Perverts, malcontents, and macho men join the Navy to be deep sea divers and taunt, drink, fight, and harass each other across the Mediterranean during 1976. Diving in sewage, shark, and rat filled waters, the men aboard the fleet tender USS Puget Sound do the underwater dirty work of repairing aircraft carriers, destroyers, and cruisers. Turd putting becomes an Olympic sport, the gorgeous drag queens of Naples become humiliation for the new recruits, and BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again) becomes the motto of the fleet. All of the stories are true and all of the characters are real however, their names have been changed to protect the guilty.
“I swear to God, I never pumped the Captain’s loaf. I don’t know where this story came from, but it’s not true! I NEVER PUMPED THE CAPTAIN’S LOAF!”
• MS-3 Roger Bostic (formerly the ship’s cook)
“I saw him do it. He pump Captain’s loaf.”
• MM-1 Ernesto Lubag (Deputy Dog)
“This is the craziest book I have ever read. All of the stories are true - because I was there! Now, anyone ready for a Bi-cillin shot?”
• HM-2 John W. Tenworth (ship’s corpsman)
“I think turd putting should in the next Olympics.”
• HT-3 Chip Chance (Champion Turd Putter)
“It’s taken years of therapy to try and get over what those sick, pervert divers did to me for three years on that ship. I’m still not well.”
• ET-1 William P. Elliot, III (Billy the Radiation Man)
Rules for Turd Putting:
Rule #1: Turds must be at least six inches long.
Rule #2: No hook throwing or flinging.
Rule #3: Turds must stay in one piece.
Rule #4: No swimming into the putt. |
